A letter to baby Shupe

Today when baby Shupe was kicking me, I was thinking, I wonder if he/she realizes that I poke back and what is going through that little head? 

Then it hit me... I will never know! This little baby won't remember all these fun times we're already having together and that totally bums me out! So I figured I'd write him/her a letter and maybe someday I can give it to him/her. 

Dear Baby Shupe, 
        I don't really, actually know you yet, we've never met, but I know you more than anyone else in the whole world knows you! 
        I know way, way back to a few months ago, I felt little flutters and while I was watching TV and I felt really silly when I turned the volume way down so I could feel the flutters better. That was the first time you made me laugh! Of course I was laughing at myself, but it was because of you. That's something you'll learn when you grow up, me and your daddy are really good at laughing at ourselves and making each other laugh, too. I think you'll be the same way. 
        Then a few weeks later, I was laying on my side on your daddy's lap and I felt you moving and kicking! That was the most exciting moment of my whole life... 24 years lead up to that one perfect moment on the couch. It was really fun. I learned about you that if I wanted to feel you kicking me, I had to lay a very certain way, and the best way was when your daddy was my pillow. I could lay like that forever if it meant I got to know that you were there.
       Sometimes when you kick me, I want to remember that moment so I can ask you about it later. I think, "Wow! That was a big kick, baby Shupe will have to remember that one!" But then, I realize you're just an itty-bitty, little thing and I'll have to tell you about it someday. It makes me a little sad because those are our first times playing together and you won't remember them, but I can already imagine the day when I tell you all about when you kicked mommy's belly. That makes me smile because I'll really be able to see you then! Maybe you'll be sitting on my lap or I'll be tucking you into bed and I'll tell you all the stories I can remember about things before you can remember! 
        Like, when your daddy leaves in the morning, he always rubs my belly and says bye to you and when he comes home, he always rubs my belly, too! He sure loves you a lot already. I think you know him, even though sometimes you're a little stinker and you stop moving around when he's trying to play with you. 
        I also know that you are already so loved! Not only by me and your daddy, but your grandmas and grandpas and cousins. Your cousin Xander calls you "baby boy cousin," he says that's your name and he thinks you're a boy. I wonder if he's right? 
        In just about a month, we are going to meet for the very first time and I know I'm going to never, ever want to let you out of my arms because I waited a long 9 months to see your cute face and touch your soft skin. But I will let you out of my arms because that's something mommy's do... they share. And I know in 5 years I'll remember how hard it was to be in the same room with you while someone else held you, but then you'll maybe be at a friend's house and I think it'll feel just as hard as the first time I let you out of my arms. 
        I have so much to tell you, but I know I have years and years to hold you and tell you lots of stories. Even though you might not remember these things, I know I'll never, ever forget them. 
        I love you so much, baby! 
Love, 
Mommy 

46 days left

I can't believe there are 46 days left before baby Shupe gets here! It seems so far away and so close at the same time. I have to remind myself that even though I have to wait a little more than 6 weeks until he/she is here, I will get to have the rest of my life with him/her. It just seems like forever at this point. 

I had yet another dream the baby was here. It was a boy and it was so fun telling everyone the name. Anyway, here's something fun to update! 

How far along? 33 weeks 3 days

Total weight gain/loss: up a little more than 30 pounds. Oye! 

Maternity clothes? Shirts, yes. Work pants, no, jeans, yes. I love to wear dresses to work though, because tights are so much easier than pants! 

Stretch marks? yes. Those dumb things came about 2 weeks ago and they were not welcome. Oh well. 

Sleep: Well, I love it. I fall asleep on the couch just about every night. I've been sleeping pretty good, but I wish I could sleep on my back! 

Best moment this week: Dr. appointment when I heard baby's heartbeat. Also all the crazy kicks I've been getting. 

Movement: So much! He/she never stops moving. :o)

Food cravings: nothing really. Lame. I guess I have more of a sweet tooth than I used to have. 

Gender: We don't know. :o) 

Labor Signs: braxton hicks all the time. Dr says that's completely normal, so... ok! 

Belly Button in or out? out. 

Wedding rings on or off? On. I don't have any swelling, thank God. I give props to all my water drinking. 

What I miss: My old body, jeans, and ability to stay awake. 

What I am looking forward to: knowing what it is! Seeing what he/she looks like! Holding him/her. I have dreams all the time about it, then I wake up and there's no baby yet. What a tease!

Weekly Wisdom: I suppose not really caring if you have to fall asleep early. I know that's a gift now, especially after baby sitting my cute nephew and just wanting to lay down on the couch. Not a choice with a little one around. So I'll enjoy my rest now. 

Milestones: Dr said that after next Wednesday, if I go into labor, they won't do anything to stop it or slow it down! Wow! 

Baby Shower!

We had our baby shower last weekend. Thank God for family members and friends with their cameras because mine broke.

Here are some great shots from the awesome day.

The cute ducky for the center piece game from mom-in-law and one of the bags my mom made for everyone's prizes.

 All the prizes mom-in-law bought for the games we played through the shower.

 Super cute cake from father-in-law's mom. Mom-in-law picked the design!

Cake table with some of the extra center pieces. 

 My mom and dad with me and Derek. Sad we didn't get a family picture with Barb and Jim. :o(

Mommy and Daddy to be!

We are so lucky to have such kind, generous family and friends!

My best friend's maid of honor duties will never end!

My awesome mother-in-law! 

 Opening some gifts. :o)

Here are a bunch of our family members and friends who celebrated with us!

self evaluation

I got my first stretch marks and I was devastated. I thought I might be one of those freakish people who didn't get them since I went about 31 weeks without any. Then they showed up! Let me tell you, I was real ticked when I saw them. Derek just said, "It's fine." and that didn't help one bit because I did not feel fine. I felt icky. :o( 


Today I went on a mommy website and someone posted this: 

The Beauty Love Left Behind.

 A mark for every breath you took, every blink, every sleepy yawn. One for every time you sucked your thumb, waved hello, closed your eyes and slept in the most perfect darkness. One for every time you had the hiccups. One for every dream you dreamed within me. It isn't very pretty anymore. Some may even think it ugly. That's OK. It was your home. It's where I first grew to love you, where I lay my hand as I dreamed about who you were and who you would be. It held you until my arms could, and for that, I will always find something beautiful in it.

As I read it, I realized my hand was resting on my belly, just like it says above, and how much I already love this little one and if growing in my belly means that I'll have a memory of it forever, well, I guess that's just the living scrapbook I will bring with me. I love this baby too much to be upset forever about it. And who knows, maybe they'll go away. 

I won't say I'm not going to be upset about these marks ever again, but it does help. I thought I'd share with any soon to be mommies going through the same thing. :o) 

So that's a contraction!?

I had my 30 week appointment today. I'm actually closer to 31 weeks than 30, but somehow my appointments got a week off. 

Well, the Dr called me and Gunther* boring again. :-) I love being boring at this point.

When he went to take my measurements and listen to Gunther's heartbeat, he felt my belly and said, "Oh, you're having a contraction right now. That's ok, but if they continue for more than 2 hours, then you need to call in or go up to L & D." All I could think was, I didn't even know I was having a contraction. I couldn't feel anything! I don't think he really noticed that I said I couldn't feel it since he didn't mention anything about that. 

Well, after that, he measured my belly and it's 31 cm, which is right on and the Gunther's heartbeat was 131-144 this time, which is WAY slower than it's ever been. It's usually in the 150s. He said he thinks it's a boy, which I've always thought. :-) I can't wait to share our real names with the world! Either way, I love the name this baby will have. 

Here's me today, 30 weeks 5 days. 

These two are from 29 weeks. I guess I need to learn to remember to get pictures taken when Derek is home so I don't have to do it myself.... same background each time. This is our only mirror! 

*Gunther is what we've been calling the baby because we feel bad to say "it." Derek came up with a whole bunch of different, random names at the beginning of pregnancy and Gunther stuck. :-)

mostly... i can't wait

I'm now 29 weeks and 5 days pregnant and I'm starting to feel selfish! 

I very selfishly want....

My old body back. I feel like I my front half doesn't even belong to me. It feels like when you get a cavity filled and your cheek is numb and when you bite on it, it feels like it's not even yours. When I feel my belly, I know it's mine, but I forget. 

A drink. I would love to have a few glasses of wine. Or a beer. Or a mixed drink. Or a shot. I've never been a huge drinker. I would drink maybe one or two times a month before being pregnant, but I just can't wait to have a drink. 

I want to sleep on my back. I had no idea this was a thing before the baby started living in me. You're not supposed to sleep on your back because of a nerve that could be pressed on and limit oxygen supply. Dang. I love sleeping on my back! 

To sleep ALL NIGHT without having to pee. Sure, once the baby is here, it's not like I'm going to be sleeping through a whole night, but having to pee 2-3 times a night is really getting old. 

A drink. Oh... I already said that.

I don't want... (the baby to come out lol)

To stop feeling the baby kick me. I love laying on the couch at night and feeling this little one kick me or roll around. I love when I'm at work and I get a reminder that I'm not alone in front of my students. I love knowing that the baby is in me and safe. 

To have to share the baby with anybody. I love that the baby is all mine right now. I already love him/her SO MUCH. I know when he/she comes out, everyone else that loves him/her will want to cuddle and love and hold and kiss this little baby. I can't wait to see the love everyone has for him/her, but I want to hold him/her forever. I know that'll change and I will be waiting for someone to come watch the baby while I sit down for a minute, but I can't fathom that at the moment. 

I can't wait... 

To see this baby! What color hair does he/she have? Does he/she have hair?! Whose nose will he/she have?  I want to hold the baby and give him/her kisses. I've been feeling a bum sticking out of my belly's side for so long now, I bet it's cute and I want to see it. 

For Derek to hold his baby. I know, I know, I said I wanted to hold him/her forever and not share, but I can't wait to see Derek be a daddy. I wonder what he's going to do when he's finally holding him/her. I can't wait to hold that memory as a picture in my mind forever. When Derek becomes a daddy. :o)

To know if he or she is a he or she! What is in me?!!! I think it's a boy, but it could be a girl. It really has to be one of the two LOL but it seems like it could be anything in there. 

I know I want the baby to be here soon, but... I want him/her to stay in there until it's time and he/she is really ready and done cooking. I really want the rest of this pregnancy to go as it has so far. I haven't had complications, the baby has been perfect, and I've been happy and healthy. I thank God for giving me such a healthy pregnancy and with two months left, I don't want that to change. 

questionnaire about pregnancy

I somewhat stole this from a blog I follow- Table for More, but I found a different one with similar questions so I could be a little bit different. Hers is way cuter because of all the pictures, but Derek's computer doesn't have a thing for my memory card, so I can't upload my pics from my camera. Lame.  When are you due: March 28. 9 days after my birthday, 6 days after Derek's birthday. Oh and 8 days after my mom's. Holy cow, March birthdays!  How many weeks are you: 28 weeks 1 day Was this planned or unplanned: Planned! We were so excited! How much weight gained: Last time I weighed myself, I was about 23 pounds gained. I think my goal of 25 pounds is a loss. Oh well.. at least my gain has been all belly! I'll move my goal to 35 pounds, which is the high end of the average. I'm working out 5+ days a week and I'm eating right, so I guess my body just wants to gain what it has gained.  Do you wear maternity clothes: Yes and no. Pants are a yes. My belly will not allow for pre-pregnancy jeans anymore. They still fit my legs, but they won't button or zip anymore. However, I still wear my old work/dress pants. Shirts I can get away with somewhat, depending on the style.  Is this your first pregnancy?: Yes. Latest food craving: None :-( I'm seriously bummed. I couldn't wait to find out what I would crave. I have wanted ice cream, but I always wanted ice cream pre-pregnancy, so I don't think that counts. I did want a slurpee the other night because I was SO THIRSTY. I literally drank 100+ oz of water and needed something else. It worked!  Your top two name choices or baby's name: Wouldn't you like to know ;-) We aren't telling our baby's name until he/she is here. We're big turds.  Worst Thing about being pregnant: Back pain! My back just realized about a week ago that my front has grown. It was a sudden thing- my back started to hurt ALL THE TIME no matter what. While I workout, now, I've been focusing on my posture and that has helped a little, thank GOD!  Best Thing about being pregnant: Feeling my baby move. It's crazy and I love it so much. It's been great while I've been on break because when Derek leaves for work, the baby is moving around like crazy. I can feel every flip and flop. He/she must be active in the mornings, but I don't normally notice because I am usually up and moving around before Derek even gets up.  The first person you told was: Obviously Derek. But the next people were Brian and Rachel, my brother and sister in law. They told us they were preggo with their first one about 2 weeks before they told anyone else and HOLY COW was that a hard secret to keep! I was still living at home with my parents and I feel like I avoided them during those 2 weeks which is hard when they're right there all the time. So we told them first to pay them back. OH! Actually, we told my 3 month old niece first. She didn't tell anyone, though. :-) Are you more scared or excited: Honestly, the one thing I'm SUPER scared about is getting an IV. I can't even handle thinking about that. It freaks me out. I'm scared about how much our life is going to change. For instance, when Derek gets home from work, we go to the gym together. That won't happen because what the heck do you do with a baby while you're at the gym?  But then, wow, am I excited to see this baby and hold him/her in my arms. I can't even imagine how great it'll be to hold that tiny body in my arms. And we get to keep him/her forever! Right in our house! :-) hehe  Happy or mostly moody: Happy! Derek and I were just talking about this the other day. I have been a really happy camper the entire pregnancy. I had one instance where I almost cried in public. Our waiter got my order wrong at a restaurant and forgot our silverware and I looked at Derek and just about started crying. He was a problem solver and got it all figured out. I think the waiter knew I was about to cry because he didn't charge us for the fries he forgot.  Last time you cried over something ridiculous was: See above. Haha. I did almost cry while watching "Hairspray" yesterday because the guy from The Notebook that Rachel McAdams almost married was in it, and I thought about how sad he was that she left him.  You pee an estimated __ times a day?: I can't even tell you. 2-3 times every night. Sometimes more. I drink so much all day that I am peeing about once an hour or more.... usually more. This is my biggest reminder that I'm pregnant.  Weirdest dream you've had since pregnant?: The other night, I dreamt that Derek got up for work and I was in bed and the baby started kicking. The kicks were so hard that I could see the outline of his foot (it was a boy in the dream). Then he kicked again and I could see each wrinkle in the bottom of his foot and each toe. It was so weird that I called Derek in there. I was really excited to see the foot in my dream. I woke up and was so grossed out at how weird it was!  Will you breast feed: I sure will try!  What are you looking forward to: Holding my baby is #1, but sleeping on my back is a close #2. I have also been very, very ready for a nice drink! On a tv show, someone poured a glass of wine, filled to the rim, which almost ended up being the entire bottle and I was salivating. I normally don't drink very much, but all these holidays, weddings, and parties we have had lately have had me very much ready for a drink.  What are you not looking forward to: Totally TMI, but all the nasty stuff that comes with after delivery for the mommy. I recently read a whole bunch of advice from been there, done that moms online and, wow, that first week sounds messy!  Words of wisdom: Uhhh... Can I ask for words of wisdom from someone who already has kids?! My only advice to pregnant people is to pack and emergency snack to bring with you places because when hunger strikes, it strikes hard!