Dear Declan,

Yesterday I excitedly told your grandma, and bragged on-line, that you put yourself to sleep all by yourself for your morning nap. 

The picture I used to brag. :o)

I posted my excitement and thought to myself, What a relief! He can fall asleep all by himself.

Today, your daddy and I gave you a bath, then I dried you up and got you all comfy in your pajamas, just like every night. I got the pillow and snuggled you into me to nurse you to sleep, just like every night. You finished eating, and snuggled your head into me, but instead of falling asleep, you just stared at me, your cute little eyes open to mine and a half smile on your sleepy face.  I snuggled you in closer and patted your sweet little bottom. 

As I rocked you, I could tell you were not going to fall asleep, you were fighting it tonight, rocking your head back and forth. I'm sure if you were a big boy in a big bed, you would have been tossing and turning. I don't think you were uncomfortable, but you definitely were not going to fall asleep any time soon at this rate. 

I tried it, just to see if you'd do it again and at night! I put you in your bassinet with the white noise playing on your giraffe. Staring at you from above, even though your eyes were wide open, I knew you were going to fall asleep... again, all by yourself! I even left the room, and before I knew it, you were sleeping, you didn't even need me in the room! 

...What a big boy I thought.  I'm such a lucky mom! 

9:00 and my baby boy is asleep. All by himself, he didn't even need me! ...he didn't need me. He didn't need me? My baby boy didn't need my help to fall asleep. 

I wanted to badly to go in there and wake you up so I could put you to sleep myself. I didn't do it, and I won't. You're 5 1/2 weeks old, and I'm already starting to miss you because you're getting so big!

I know you'll need me to snuggle you to sleep again, maybe even tomorrow? But today, I'll take in this first moment as a mommy when my big boy takes a step toward independence. And maybe I'll cry, but it's because I just love you so much... and even though I'm jealous of that noise making giraffe today, I know be thankful for the giraffe again, maybe even tomorrow. 

Love, 

Mommy