self evaluation

I got my first stretch marks and I was devastated. I thought I might be one of those freakish people who didn't get them since I went about 31 weeks without any. Then they showed up! Let me tell you, I was real ticked when I saw them. Derek just said, "It's fine." and that didn't help one bit because I did not feel fine. I felt icky. :o( 


Today I went on a mommy website and someone posted this: 

The Beauty Love Left Behind.

 A mark for every breath you took, every blink, every sleepy yawn. One for every time you sucked your thumb, waved hello, closed your eyes and slept in the most perfect darkness. One for every time you had the hiccups. One for every dream you dreamed within me. It isn't very pretty anymore. Some may even think it ugly. That's OK. It was your home. It's where I first grew to love you, where I lay my hand as I dreamed about who you were and who you would be. It held you until my arms could, and for that, I will always find something beautiful in it.

As I read it, I realized my hand was resting on my belly, just like it says above, and how much I already love this little one and if growing in my belly means that I'll have a memory of it forever, well, I guess that's just the living scrapbook I will bring with me. I love this baby too much to be upset forever about it. And who knows, maybe they'll go away. 

I won't say I'm not going to be upset about these marks ever again, but it does help. I thought I'd share with any soon to be mommies going through the same thing. :o) 

So that's a contraction!?

I had my 30 week appointment today. I'm actually closer to 31 weeks than 30, but somehow my appointments got a week off. 

Well, the Dr called me and Gunther* boring again. :-) I love being boring at this point.

When he went to take my measurements and listen to Gunther's heartbeat, he felt my belly and said, "Oh, you're having a contraction right now. That's ok, but if they continue for more than 2 hours, then you need to call in or go up to L & D." All I could think was, I didn't even know I was having a contraction. I couldn't feel anything! I don't think he really noticed that I said I couldn't feel it since he didn't mention anything about that. 

Well, after that, he measured my belly and it's 31 cm, which is right on and the Gunther's heartbeat was 131-144 this time, which is WAY slower than it's ever been. It's usually in the 150s. He said he thinks it's a boy, which I've always thought. :-) I can't wait to share our real names with the world! Either way, I love the name this baby will have. 

Here's me today, 30 weeks 5 days. 

These two are from 29 weeks. I guess I need to learn to remember to get pictures taken when Derek is home so I don't have to do it myself.... same background each time. This is our only mirror! 

*Gunther is what we've been calling the baby because we feel bad to say "it." Derek came up with a whole bunch of different, random names at the beginning of pregnancy and Gunther stuck. :-)

mostly... i can't wait

I'm now 29 weeks and 5 days pregnant and I'm starting to feel selfish! 

I very selfishly want....

My old body back. I feel like I my front half doesn't even belong to me. It feels like when you get a cavity filled and your cheek is numb and when you bite on it, it feels like it's not even yours. When I feel my belly, I know it's mine, but I forget. 

A drink. I would love to have a few glasses of wine. Or a beer. Or a mixed drink. Or a shot. I've never been a huge drinker. I would drink maybe one or two times a month before being pregnant, but I just can't wait to have a drink. 

I want to sleep on my back. I had no idea this was a thing before the baby started living in me. You're not supposed to sleep on your back because of a nerve that could be pressed on and limit oxygen supply. Dang. I love sleeping on my back! 

To sleep ALL NIGHT without having to pee. Sure, once the baby is here, it's not like I'm going to be sleeping through a whole night, but having to pee 2-3 times a night is really getting old. 

A drink. Oh... I already said that.

I don't want... (the baby to come out lol)

To stop feeling the baby kick me. I love laying on the couch at night and feeling this little one kick me or roll around. I love when I'm at work and I get a reminder that I'm not alone in front of my students. I love knowing that the baby is in me and safe. 

To have to share the baby with anybody. I love that the baby is all mine right now. I already love him/her SO MUCH. I know when he/she comes out, everyone else that loves him/her will want to cuddle and love and hold and kiss this little baby. I can't wait to see the love everyone has for him/her, but I want to hold him/her forever. I know that'll change and I will be waiting for someone to come watch the baby while I sit down for a minute, but I can't fathom that at the moment. 

I can't wait... 

To see this baby! What color hair does he/she have? Does he/she have hair?! Whose nose will he/she have?  I want to hold the baby and give him/her kisses. I've been feeling a bum sticking out of my belly's side for so long now, I bet it's cute and I want to see it. 

For Derek to hold his baby. I know, I know, I said I wanted to hold him/her forever and not share, but I can't wait to see Derek be a daddy. I wonder what he's going to do when he's finally holding him/her. I can't wait to hold that memory as a picture in my mind forever. When Derek becomes a daddy. :o)

To know if he or she is a he or she! What is in me?!!! I think it's a boy, but it could be a girl. It really has to be one of the two LOL but it seems like it could be anything in there. 

I know I want the baby to be here soon, but... I want him/her to stay in there until it's time and he/she is really ready and done cooking. I really want the rest of this pregnancy to go as it has so far. I haven't had complications, the baby has been perfect, and I've been happy and healthy. I thank God for giving me such a healthy pregnancy and with two months left, I don't want that to change. 

questionnaire about pregnancy

I somewhat stole this from a blog I follow- Table for More, but I found a different one with similar questions so I could be a little bit different. Hers is way cuter because of all the pictures, but Derek's computer doesn't have a thing for my memory card, so I can't upload my pics from my camera. Lame.  When are you due: March 28. 9 days after my birthday, 6 days after Derek's birthday. Oh and 8 days after my mom's. Holy cow, March birthdays!  How many weeks are you: 28 weeks 1 day Was this planned or unplanned: Planned! We were so excited! How much weight gained: Last time I weighed myself, I was about 23 pounds gained. I think my goal of 25 pounds is a loss. Oh well.. at least my gain has been all belly! I'll move my goal to 35 pounds, which is the high end of the average. I'm working out 5+ days a week and I'm eating right, so I guess my body just wants to gain what it has gained.  Do you wear maternity clothes: Yes and no. Pants are a yes. My belly will not allow for pre-pregnancy jeans anymore. They still fit my legs, but they won't button or zip anymore. However, I still wear my old work/dress pants. Shirts I can get away with somewhat, depending on the style.  Is this your first pregnancy?: Yes. Latest food craving: None :-( I'm seriously bummed. I couldn't wait to find out what I would crave. I have wanted ice cream, but I always wanted ice cream pre-pregnancy, so I don't think that counts. I did want a slurpee the other night because I was SO THIRSTY. I literally drank 100+ oz of water and needed something else. It worked!  Your top two name choices or baby's name: Wouldn't you like to know ;-) We aren't telling our baby's name until he/she is here. We're big turds.  Worst Thing about being pregnant: Back pain! My back just realized about a week ago that my front has grown. It was a sudden thing- my back started to hurt ALL THE TIME no matter what. While I workout, now, I've been focusing on my posture and that has helped a little, thank GOD!  Best Thing about being pregnant: Feeling my baby move. It's crazy and I love it so much. It's been great while I've been on break because when Derek leaves for work, the baby is moving around like crazy. I can feel every flip and flop. He/she must be active in the mornings, but I don't normally notice because I am usually up and moving around before Derek even gets up.  The first person you told was: Obviously Derek. But the next people were Brian and Rachel, my brother and sister in law. They told us they were preggo with their first one about 2 weeks before they told anyone else and HOLY COW was that a hard secret to keep! I was still living at home with my parents and I feel like I avoided them during those 2 weeks which is hard when they're right there all the time. So we told them first to pay them back. OH! Actually, we told my 3 month old niece first. She didn't tell anyone, though. :-) Are you more scared or excited: Honestly, the one thing I'm SUPER scared about is getting an IV. I can't even handle thinking about that. It freaks me out. I'm scared about how much our life is going to change. For instance, when Derek gets home from work, we go to the gym together. That won't happen because what the heck do you do with a baby while you're at the gym?  But then, wow, am I excited to see this baby and hold him/her in my arms. I can't even imagine how great it'll be to hold that tiny body in my arms. And we get to keep him/her forever! Right in our house! :-) hehe  Happy or mostly moody: Happy! Derek and I were just talking about this the other day. I have been a really happy camper the entire pregnancy. I had one instance where I almost cried in public. Our waiter got my order wrong at a restaurant and forgot our silverware and I looked at Derek and just about started crying. He was a problem solver and got it all figured out. I think the waiter knew I was about to cry because he didn't charge us for the fries he forgot.  Last time you cried over something ridiculous was: See above. Haha. I did almost cry while watching "Hairspray" yesterday because the guy from The Notebook that Rachel McAdams almost married was in it, and I thought about how sad he was that she left him.  You pee an estimated __ times a day?: I can't even tell you. 2-3 times every night. Sometimes more. I drink so much all day that I am peeing about once an hour or more.... usually more. This is my biggest reminder that I'm pregnant.  Weirdest dream you've had since pregnant?: The other night, I dreamt that Derek got up for work and I was in bed and the baby started kicking. The kicks were so hard that I could see the outline of his foot (it was a boy in the dream). Then he kicked again and I could see each wrinkle in the bottom of his foot and each toe. It was so weird that I called Derek in there. I was really excited to see the foot in my dream. I woke up and was so grossed out at how weird it was!  Will you breast feed: I sure will try!  What are you looking forward to: Holding my baby is #1, but sleeping on my back is a close #2. I have also been very, very ready for a nice drink! On a tv show, someone poured a glass of wine, filled to the rim, which almost ended up being the entire bottle and I was salivating. I normally don't drink very much, but all these holidays, weddings, and parties we have had lately have had me very much ready for a drink.  What are you not looking forward to: Totally TMI, but all the nasty stuff that comes with after delivery for the mommy. I recently read a whole bunch of advice from been there, done that moms online and, wow, that first week sounds messy!  Words of wisdom: Uhhh... Can I ask for words of wisdom from someone who already has kids?! My only advice to pregnant people is to pack and emergency snack to bring with you places because when hunger strikes, it strikes hard!

Tis the season

I must start out with the hilarity that is my dog at each Christmas. My wonderful in-laws always take care of her with a new "baby." (This year there were 3 that we are choosing to give her one at a time.) Well, Christmas night, we came home and gave it to her. This is what went on for at least an hour:

(I hope it works) 

She doesn't let it leave her side. This morning, I woke up and Soco and I were in the living room when suddenly she started walking around the house very distraught. I just watched her and she came prancing out of our bedroom with her baby in her mouth. 

She also makes sure she has it when she takes naps on the couch. 

 

Right now, she's snuggled up against my leg, sleeping with her baby right in front of her head. It's really sweet until she gives it too much love and the stuffing comes out. 

...at least she has 2 more when this one's is over-loved. The weird thing is that even after we think we've thrown away all pieces of babies, months later, she will bring us a random ear she had hidden somewhere. 

*******

Our Christmas tree started out as a butt of a joke for Derek and me. Last year, our tree stand broke. Despite our MANY efforts, we couldn't fix it and had to go out and buy a new tree for the year. We opened the box with great anticipation because of the "awesome deal" we got on a pre-lit tree only to find that you can see right through it. From every angle, no matter how much fluffing is done, you can see the stem of this tree. We laughed it off, decorated it and were thankful we had a tree for the year. We also had a goal of buying a new tree after Christmas when they were on sale. 

Well.... we forgot. We took our tree out remembering the wonderful pre-lit-ness of the tree and began fluffing. Then it all came back and we started laughing at how Charlie Brown it looked, especially with no decorations on it. Since our Friends' Christmas is at our house, and was only 2 days later, we decorated as best we could and made a promise to buy a new tree this year after Christmas. (We still haven't)

Well... here's our tree. It doesn't look so bad in pictures. :-) 

What you don't notice in these pictures is that Derek and I are both about a foot taller than the tree. 

Here is a picture from last year of Soco in front of the tree 

She looks enormous, but the tree is just so small. 

*******

Who knows if we really will get a tree, or if we'll just forget about how small and sad this tree is once again until we open the box next year. 

One thing I do know... next year there will be much more excitement surrounding Christmas. We'll have a 9 month old baby to celebrate with! 

a head in the shower

I forgot to write about my first and really only HUGE emotional breakdown of pregnancy. It's quite hilarious when I look back on it. 

A few weeks ago, I was taking a shower. I was washing my hair and my eyes were closed because I was rinsing shampoo. Well I opened my eyes to see a HEAD in the shower with me! Derek snuck into the bathroom and poked his head in the shower, pulling the shower curtain tight around his neck and making a weird face at me. I gasped and he was about to laugh when....

I immediately started SOBBING. I'm talking hyperventilating, tears streaming down my face, coughing, and in between breaths and realization that I was being overdramatic, I would laugh. I literally could not stop sobbing for the rest of my shower. It was like when a little kid cries and for 10 minutes after, they have that sad breathing thing where you think they're done and then they have this hard breath/cry sound that comes out. 

I guess my weirdest fear was realized that day. I remember when I was little, I had a dream, or my brother tried to scare me, or something that someone was standing in between the shower liner and outside shower curtain. I forgot about that until that day. 

Moral of the story: Don't scare your pregnant wife in the shower.

My rotisserie baby...

I can't believe there are 15 weeks left. It's flying by so far! Here's my belly this week: 

I think my former PJ shirt needs to be retired until the baby comes because for some reason, it's just not quite as comfy anymore. It seems to have gotten a little too small. 

It's super crazy that next Christmas, we will be putting gifts under the tree for the baby, too! 

The baby has chosen to hang out on my right side these days. About an hour ago, actually, I felt its entire back along the right side of my stomach. I felt like I was holding the baby or something because I could feel so much of it. 

He/she has also been acting like a rotisserie chicken. That's all I can think of to compare this feeling to. It feels like it's spinning around in there and it's almost nauseating. I don't mind it though because movement is comforting and helps me remember he/she is doing good! 

Ugly sweater party time is almost near, so I must go get tacky....